Ch..ch..ch..changes

I woke up this morning at about 3 a.m.  I picked up a book I had been reading – fiction – about a woman who had this contented, seemingly perfect life; great husband, work she loved, comfortable hometown, little drama.

Then, as you might suppose, her life starts to get uncomfortable – changes coming fast and furious and she resists the changes because her life is “perfect” the way it is, or so she thought.  She is given clarity and realizes that the life she has been leading is not the life she is meant to have.  And although she resists the change at first, she starts to see the wisdom in it.  She opens herself to possibilities and impossibilities.

It felt as if this story was/is mine.

My life has been a series of major and minor changes in the last almost two years; most of them outside my comfort zone.

And yet, I realize that these changes have made me better and stronger.  There is nothing to fear.  Rather, I chose to look at them with my eyes wide open in wonder and joy.  Losing a great spouse joyful?  No, but in the aftermath, stretching my mind and horizons beyond the comfortable and familiar is like getting a new beginning and my choices have no limitations except what I impose on myself.

I have always felt that my life was meant for something huge beyond my comfort zone.  Now it is gearing up by leaps and bounds and it is like Christmas every day – I look forward to unwrapping the present and gazing into my unstoppable and unsinkable future.

The moves that have been required, the trust and belief that everything is unfolding as it should, and that miracles can, and do, happen even today – my world is now one of joyful expectation, opportunities to share and help, and truly (as though noticing and feeling it for the first time) unlimited potential.  It was before and yet it was somehow dulled by my comfortable routine and existence.

I recently attended a women’s day “conference” as it were and among the gems I took with me was a quote, “Ain’t no lid on this jar.”   In other words, by taking the lid off the jar of my life, I have opened myself to invite untethered abundance in.

Does it mean that it is now an easy path?  No.  It means that I am not only getting better at “present and aware” but also thinking outside the box; being sensitive and open to the doors opening all around me.  I feel expanded and full of life right now.

I am learning to let go of all that does not enhance my life – relationships, the need to control my life, the past, guilt, fear, anger, “things”.  And I am learning to take in and cherish the people, situations, and world that support, uplift, and encourage me to live life large; fully aware and engaged and balanced.

I am blessed to be moving in new directions; it feels as though my move to Portland is getting very close.  I have envisioned my life there and what I see is getting stronger and clearer.  It will take me to new levels even as I climb the stairs in my life now/today in preparation.  Portland is not the end of the journey; it is a part of it.  This is the path less traveled for me.  A chance, a change, a new horizon every morning.  I see it as though I am already living it.  And yet there is still enough mystery in the details that I know I won’t be bored.

This July I got involved with a griefshare group.  And it has been wonderful to share and process my grief and loss in so many areas (not just losing my incredible husband).  But last night I came to the “aha” moment of letting go of this aspect of my life.  I am ready now.  I thought I was ready before but now to know that I am truly ready is amazing, freeing, joyful, and honest with myself on a much deeper level.  No regrets.

We all experience loss and it is okay and natural to grieve those losses.  It is also okay that each of us processes those losses at different paces and in different ways.  Yet, right now I am so filled with delight that the “chains”, for me, are finally broken and gone. It is like someone turning on the lights in a dark room!

I am excited and almost giddy about the road I am on.  Anticipation builds each moment about the next one.  Healing, growing, reaching, eyes wide open, childlike wonder and joy – these are all a part of my “new normal” – one that is not defined in a shape, but dares to express in sometimes abstract ways.

As I get ready to move to another temporary home this weekend on the path to Portland, I have made a promise to myself.  As my life unfolds, never again will I let things get so comfortable that I miss out on opportunities to push the envelope and to learn and grow and experience all that is possible and impossible in life.  I will not be afraid to take some chances, to risk more, to learn from them even if there are “failures”.  Failures are opportunities.  I want to inspire, motivate, excite others to live fully.

So, what I am attempting to convey is that change is not a bad thing.  It may initially feel/seem that way, but “change always comes bearing gifts” (quote from Simple Truths) that we wouldn’t get otherwise.  It is all in one’s perspective.  If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.

What changes are you going through?  Accept that it is natural and don’t resist it.  Why?  What you resist, persists.  Accept the currents; don’t try to paddle upstream all the time.  If you go with the flow, you might just surprise yourself with what you discover about yourself and the world.

Ready to accept the challenge?

Blessed Beyond Blessed

I will be moving this week and so may not be posting until next week.   However, once I get settled in the new digs, I will be able to go back to daily postings again!   I am really looking forward to it.  Thanks for all the support and understanding while I get my anchor back in place.

 

A New Challenge and Posting Early

Mindfulness

(Prologue: I will be looking for another place to live.  I am posting early as I will be gone and unsure of access.  Aahh, another life challenge.)

I have written on this before but it bears repeating, even as I am revisiting this discipline.  No matter what you believe or what you do, mindfulness, especially in our breathing, opens one to clarity, joy, peace, and being present and aware in the moment.

It is not easy, to practice this all the time.  It almost seems like an imposition in this busy world we live in.  But the point here is that without mindfulness in all we do, it isn’t really living – it is just existing.

We go through our daily routines and wonder why we aren’t happy, why everything seems so overwhelming and tiring, why there never seems to be an “arrival” at anything.  Just the same stuff in the same chaotic or even ordered way; work, kids and their activities, significant other, home and its tasks, paying bills, eating, sleeping, exercising – the list is infinite really.

Yet we tend to feel empty, sad, angry, tired, and pulled so many different directions.

I resisted this time I have for rest, quiet, and healing.  It just seemed too quiet and  too isolated.  I felt sorry for myself being in this position.  But you know something?  There is wisdom in solitude and quiet.

Learning to let go and not control everything was hard.  I am used to having my ducks in a row and right now I have no ducks!  When you find yourself temporarily without familiar resources, companionship, and your dreams on hold, it can get to you.  Been there a lot.  But it isn’t productive – what one resists tends to persist.

Yet here I am, in this moment, giving thanks and letting go.  When someone asks me my “plan”, it makes me a little uncomfortable still.  And although there are many opinions and gossip about my path, it is, in the final analysis, my path and no one elses.  I have spent a rather large chunk of my life doing what others expected or projected for me.  And honestly, once I looked at it, I was miserable.  I felt as though I was wasting my precious wisp of life trying to please others.  I still get a bit guarded and defensive when put through the inquisition.  But I am learning.  Don’t get me wrong – my life isn’t all about me, me, me – it is about getting complete in and of myself and then helping others in any and every way that I am led.

I couldn’t have learned such complete trust and gratitude if my life had gone merrily on its comfortable and familiar path.  I could not, and would not, have taken the time to see how important mindfulness is in every moment of my life and my days.

It is easier to focus on lack and want than on joy in the moment.  That is only because it has become a bad habit most of us employ without thinking.  It is like eating when we aren’t really hungry because we are trying to fill some other need.  Easier to just eat than to stop and think about the why and how this will affect our bodies and minds later.

We run from thinking – from listening to what intuition we have been given – to the guidance within.  We often don’t want to hear it.  It feels painful.  And we run from any kind of pain – physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental.  Anything we can do to avoid it – hide, run, shut the door, turn up the music, bury ourselves in activity or distraction – is the way in which we “cope”.  And it leaves us empty.  We often ignore the spiritual side of ourselves (even those who think they don’t have a spiritual side).

How does one become mindful in a practical, “I can do this and stick with it” way?

My friend has a couple of books on her shelf that I picked up to read.  One is called “The Wisdom of Solitude” by Jane Dobisz and the other is “Walking Meditation” by Nguyen Anh-Huong and Thich Nhat Hanh.

Before you turn down the idea of these Buddhist-based practices, just realize that no matter what you believe, these practices can and do help.

I was raised in a Christian home and I have found that incorporating the disciplines of solitude and mindful meditations enhance my beliefs.  I respect Buddhist and other disciplines.  Quite frankly, the Dalai Lama fascinates me and I feel I can learn from other belief approaches.  It doesn’t mean I forsake my own beliefs but rather glean gems from them to help me in my personal path in life.

Being open to all people is one of my values.  We are ALL on this earth together and understanding, cooperation, and respect is important if we are to survive in this world and keep the earth from imploding with our disrespect for it and others.

Okay, enough of the soapbox.

What I would like to suggest is to try this discipline.  It was one that helped me to let go of the thoughts racing through my head and become calm, centered, and grounded enough to listen.  It’s really not hard and it isn’t scary.  It just gives you a focal point in which to settle down.

Start by sitting in a chair or lying down.  Breathe in and feel your belly rise, breathe out and feel it contract.  You can do this to words, if it helps, like breathing in “Resting” and breathing out “Soften”.  Wherever you feel tension, neck, back, arms, jaw, etc., consciously let it go and continue to breathe.  If you find your mind wandering, bring your attention back to the breathing (and words if you choose).  Start with four to five breaths like this – you can build up more later.

Then try this in a standing position.  Start to shift your weight from side to side – think of sending down roots like a tree, as deep as you can imagine, as you do the shifts.  Breathe, shift, breathe, shift.

Now move it to one step, one breath.  Do this slowly.  Focus on the breath and step.  You may feel wobbly at first but be mindful.  It will come.

Add one more thing – a half-smile on your face.  Don’t roll your eyes – just try it.  Keep your eyes open but soft.

Do this for 5-10 minutes once or twice a day.  Try it for, say three days in a row.  Make it priority for those three days.  It won’t be easy – let’s face it, there are kids, house, work, etc. that demand our time and attention.  Just do this one thing for yourself.

Once you can do this, you can do it anywhere and anytime and you don’t have to walk.

Boss driving you nuts? Take a break and try this breathing for a few minutes – go outside, to the bathroom, the broom closet, whatever.  Now come back and deal with whatever it is and see if you feel better and it helps clarify and calm you.  Try it in other situations.  Remember the old adage: If you are angry, stop and count to ten before you respond?  Same principle, different approach.

Your child acts up/out and it sends you into disappointment, anger, or sadness?  Try it before you respond.  Just stop and focus on your breath for 10 seconds.

You are stuck in traffic and you are going to be late for work or an appointment.  Just stop and focus on your breath for 10 seconds.

Your home is a disaster area and you have company coming.  Just stop and focus on your breath for 10 seconds.

Your friend calls or wants your attention about something in your life and you have a “million” things to do.  Just stop and focus on your breath for 10 seconds.

Get it?

I finally did!

 

Don’t Take Them For Granted

Friends.

Generally we have more than one but when is the last time you told any of  them how much you appreciated their gifts to you; presence, support, love, laughter, and loyalty?

And if you haven’t experienced this with any of them, are they really your friends?

Let me tell you about some of mine.  I have some that, if necessary, I could call at 2 a.m. if I couldn’t sleep.  I have some who pray for and with me.  I have some that make me roar with laughter.  And there are some who don’t have to say a word – their presence and hugs are enough.

Some drop off for lack of contact and others feel like you just picked up where you left off even if it has been years.

Some are fair weather friends – if you have money, or something else that appeals to them, they stay around.  Some have the heart and soul of warriors.

The best ones?  The ones that love and support you no matter what – whether you are in a position to do something for them or not; the ones that know all your cracks and like/love you anyway.

Often we take them for granted.  We sometimes get so wrapped up in “me” that we don’t even bother to ask, genuinely, how they are and about what is important to them.

If you value your friends, it is vitally important to let them know how much.  You don’t have to give them things (buy their loyalty).  And I don’t mean showing appreciation just on Facebook or forwarding an email you think they may need/like.

What is needed is to look very carefully at those that are important to you today: take the time to pay an honest compliment, lend a listening ear, hug, or send a handwritten thank you note.  The point of this exercise is as much to make their day as it is to bond them closer to you.  When you take the time and thought to do this, it tells them that you truly, deep down care about them as a person.  It helps lift them up.

The friends you can trust are like rare gems.  They will love you no matter what.  They keep confidences.  They share the dark times and the brilliant times.  They are almost always the first people you want to tell about any event in your life.

Please don’t take them for granted.  Tell them now, show them now how much you appreciate them.  Thank them for what they do, and mean, in your life.

They could be gone tomorrow – we never know how life will unfold.  Don’t put it off.  It could make the difference in their life just to know.

Is What You Do A Work Of Art?

Good Morning, World!

I got inspired to write this while weeding.  I have been attempting to get out of a bit of a rut and a thought from my past crept in ever so subtly.

See the everyday tasks we do can take on new meaning when we think of them as art in the making.  To do any task as Michealangelo painted puts a whole new spin on each thing we do.  In my case, weeding.  I could do it haphazardly or I could do it mindfully and with the best of my ability.  It could be a work of art!

If I take on every moment as though it were the most preci0us of my life (and, guess what?  It is!) then I can see the joy, the way it fits, the pride in doing well in the moment.

Let’s try another perspective.  If you were expecting a royal entity to visit, what would you do differently?  Would you clean better?  Would you dress a little nicer?  Would you present your very best food?

It’s not that it has to be perfect (face it; what is?) but that I have put my very best into it.  No matter how menial the task or routine, I can kick it up a notch just by looking at it as a work of art or a meditation or prayer.

And doing whatever it is as a gift to myself, a stranger, a friend or family, my employer (if I had one), etc. would change my view to one of greater joy and service.  Doing a task from the heart – giving a gift of time, money, or self, without expecting in return, is an amazing feeling.  The focus is off of me and my concerns and is on the task at hand.  In creating my work of art, even in menial tasks, I have elevated my spirit and my efforts to gratitude and joy.  It is rather challenging to be down, angry, frustrated, or discouraged if I approach every moment with the attitude of thankfulness and creating a work of art.  The present is a gift – unwrap it!

Don’t just coast!  Make time for mindful moments (as they all should be – but it takes lots of practice).  Try taking just one task a day and focus on gratitude and mindfulness in it (washing dishes, driving somewhere, brushing your teeth, calling someone, one’s work task).  Try to be completely absorbed in it and look for the joy.  Mine this morning was closing my eyes and using all my senses while I listened to a flute CD a friend made.  Then paying attention as I opened my eyes again.  The sweet smell of flowers, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sun through a bright coppery orange leaf, the birds singing and the alder leaves rustling in the wind, and the taste of my fresh brewed coffee and creamer (my morning indulgence).  In another few moments I just got still and listened to my thoughts.  New ideas and approaches presented themselves and I wrote them down to explore later.

The creation of art is not just a specific form one pursues such as painting, photography, writing, music, etc.  It is the threads one weaves throughout one’s life to create a tapestry.  It is taking on focused intent.  It is making every moment “sing”, as it were, because you put your best into it.

So, if you wrote your own epitaph, what would you want it to say about you (be honest)?  If what you come up with doesn’t quite match with your life to date, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your life – goals, values, attitude.  Then take a bit of time to choose your actions, attitude, and approach more carefully.

Perhaps today is the day you create another part of the masterpiece that is you.  What could you do more mindfully today?  Who could you encourage?  Maybe it is a random act of kindness or a task you have been putting off?

Listen to your heart.  Be determined to make this day, this moment one of your best so far.  “Give me one moment in time when I’m more than I thought I could be…” (Song sung by Whitney Houston at her peak).  Open your own floodgates of joy.   Create your work of art in however it presents itself to you today.  Maybe it will inspire the creative muse in you to branch out and attempt something new.  Keep your eyes open, my friends.  The opportunities are all around you every moment even when you are alone and it’s quiet.  I’m learning how to do this too!

Thirst for it as if you were in a desert and needing water.  Make a personal commitment and consistently try to do this for two or three days and see how you feel.

Art – creative pursuit – mindful action – inspiring moments.  Make it rock!